Britney’s Best Videos

My previous post discussed the top 10 Britney Spears singles.  This post is devoted to her videos.  I’m not looking at the quality of the single, just how good the music video is.  Without further ado, here is my list of the best Britney videos.

1.  Baby One More Time – This is not just Britney’s best video, it is one of the best videos of all time.  Britney is in class, bored, and is waiting to get out.  Lo and behold the bell rings, she dances in the hall, hikes her shirt up, and dances around the school. Simple storyline, brilliant execution.  The Catholic schoolgirl outfit is to Britney what the red jacket was to Michael Jackson or what the wedding dress was to Madonna.

2.  Toxic – If James Bond was a hot 20-something pop singer, this is the video he would have made.  Britney is out to get revenge on the guy who did her wrong.  Various disguises ultimately pave the way for her to poison her ex.  Along the way, she dances around all nakedly with diamonds glued to her body.  In the end, this ends up being far more entertaining than any James Bond movie I’ve seen in the past decade.

3.  I’m a Slave 4 U – This video is porn.  Plain and simple.  A hot, barely clothed Britney is unfortunately stuck in a city of saunas in the middle of a drought.  All she wants is some water and when she can’t get that she decides to pant and sweat a lot.  Fortunately it rains in the end so she gets that drink of water.  In my eyes, this is far and away the sexiest music video ever made; not just by Britney, but by anyone.

4.  Oops… I Did It Again – Uh-oh.  Man has landed on Mars and stumbles on something that looks like a civilization, but what is it?  Turns out it is the lair of Britney, Queen of the Martians.  Britney dances around for this astronaut wearing a red catsuit that exemplifies the fact that Martian women have better breasts than Earth women.

5.  Stronger – Britney is cheated on.  In her anger, she drives through a thunderstorm and dances with a chair.  The chair dancing has some of her best music video dance moves and makes you really wish she would experiment with other types of furniture.

6.  Circus – Britney is the ringleader of the circus.  Not much of a storyline but the dancing around fire and animals is pretty cool.

7.  (You Drive Me) Crazy – Like many teenagers, Britney gets a job at a restaurant.  Her job waiting tables involves much more dancing and looks a lot more fun than my time working at Applebee’s during college.

8.  I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman – This sappy song features Britney just wandering around the desert, hanging out on some rock formations.  No plot whatsoever, but she sure does look good.

9.  Womanizer – Much like the video for Toxic, Britney is with a womanizing man.  She decides to spy on him and check out his womanizing ways by wearing disguises.  Ultimately she sexually strangles him and buries him in sheets.  She is also naked in a steam room for no apparent reasons other than to put at least some nudity in the story.  Hey it is a Britney video after all.

10.  If You Seek Amy – Britney wakes up after apparently hosted an orgy at her house.  On the way out she dances provocatively with various nearly nude party-goers while taking a pie out of the oven and greeting the press with her family.

Top 10 Britney Singles

Britney Spears is the most perfect of all the pop stars.  Her songs are catchy, she looks hot in her videos, and she doesn’t try to be something other than a pop star.  I never hear her telling me to vote, I haven’t seen a picture of her helping African orphans, and I have yet to read an interview in which she explains the depth of her lyrics.  Instead, she “sings,” dances, and makes killer videos.  There’s a reason why she’s been around as long as she has.  People may criticize her for lip synching or not writing her own material but she’s not trying to be a serious singer-songwriter.  She’s trying to be a pop star and she does it very well.  With Britney about to release a new album and Hold it Against Me already a number one hit, I thought I should take a look back at the most perfect pop star’s impressive discography.  I’m not including Hold it Against Me in this list because it hasn’t had enough time to resonate like the others have and the video has yet to be released.

1.  Baby One More Time – A pop classic that has stood the test of time.  Just like Michael Jackson and Madonna’s songs and videos were relics of the 80s, this single and it’s iconic video will always be remembered as one of the highlights of the 90s.

2.  Toxic – Another example of perfect pop.  Britney was no longer claiming to be a virgin and as a result made an ultra-risque video (who can forget the diamonds?) that accompanied the best pop song of the 2000s.

3.  Piece of Me – As a whole, Blackout is my favorite Britney album and Piece of Me is one of its standouts.  It’s fun, sassy, and extremely catchy.  I know everyone’s happy Britney’s all better, but listening to this song kind of makes you miss crazy Britney.

4.  3 – It’s Britney singing about a threesome.  What can be bad?

5.  Oops… I Did It Again – Another massive hit with another massive video.  This song is bubblegum pop at it’s very best.  She sounds fierce and that catsuit will live on in history.  Plus she has that oddly amazing reference to Titanic thrown in.

6.  I’m a Slave 4 U – The first time Britney decided to let the world know that she probably has spread her legs and she most likely enjoyed it.  This single was accompanied by her sexiest video to date.

7.  Stronger – The whole Oops… I Did It Again album sounds as though Britney could jump out of your stereo and kill you with her dancing.  This is the song in which she would pull that proverbial trigger.

8.  (You Drive Me) Crazy – One hell of a chorus that could make even Stephen Hawking dance around.

9.  Womanizer – Britney’s “comeback” single stuck in your head until you forgot that words other than womanizer existed.  In addition to a good song, we also get a video with a naked Britney in a sauna and, really, who doesn’t want that?

10.  Circus – Another big hit from her most recent album.  This single has, in my opinion, her best video since Toxic.

Well, there it is.  Sometime soon I plan on ranking her top 10 videos so be sure and check back.

Black and Yellow by Wiz Khalifa

Yuck.  That’s it.  It’s no longer 2004.  I thought crappy hip-hop was done.  I have absolutely no idea what so many people seem to like about this song.  Pittsburgh lost the Super Bowl now let’s lose Wiz Khalifa.

What the Hell by Avril Lavigne

My review of Pink’s F**kin’ Perfect criticized her for putting in less-than-family-friendly lyrics in her song just for the sake of being shocking.  The f-bomb didn’t seem to add anything, instead it just felt like Pink was trying too hard to say “I’m a rocker, not a pop star.”  Avril Lavigne’s What the Hell initially feels like it is going down that same road but thankfully it uses it’s PG-13 vocabulary as it should be used.

I really don’t like Avril Lavigne.  She just comes off as permanently unhappy, looks like a pale raccoon, and mixes pink and black far too often.  Up until about a week ago I thought she had gone back to Canada and stopped putting out crappy “punk” songs.  And then What the Hell crossed my path on YouTube and something told me to click play.  I did and was pleasantly surprised.  While it is far from perfect it is a definite improvement from the irritating Girlfriend or overly-emo My Happy Ending.

The beginning of the song isn’t anything special.  In fact, even after a few listens I’m not a fan until the first chorus kicks in.  The chorus is what makes this song.  The lengthened “What” and the “Baby Baby” are pop bliss.  It’s nice to see Avril without the pink skull and crossbones.  She almost seems likable, until you see the video and her raccoon eyes that are still hanging around.  Just listen to the song, turn off the video, and be thankful Avril isn’t telling us our girlfriends suck.

F**kin’ Perfect by Pink

Pink is an interesting singer to me.  Most of her songs seem to follow the same pop-rock formula with little variation.  Rock song, ballad, rock song, ballad.  It’s a pretty set in stone pattern.  I never really go out of my way to find Pink’s music on the radio or online because there’s just no real variety.  That being said, when I hear a Pink song I completely forget about that and sing along to the catchy melodies and over-the-top choruses.

I am not listening to F**kin’ Perfect at the moment, and as a result I’m not it’s biggest fan.  While I’m not offended by her use of profanity in the song, dropping the F bomb here feels forced, like she’s just saying it to be shocking.  It was used in Raise Your Glass much more effectively and had more punch as a result. Even though F**kin’ Perfect doesn’t stray too far from her slow song formula, there are certain lines that stay stuck in my head for the rest of the day after I’ve heard in once, namely the “Pretty, pretty please; don’t you ever ever feel” line.  I’m not sure if it’s because I like it or if it’s because it is perfectly engineered piece of pop music that does the job it set out to do.

I might sound like I’m bashing on Pink, but I’m not.  When I first found out that she was releasing a greatest hits album I was with a friend of mine and we both thought how unnecessary that album really was.  After looking at the track list, I found out how many Pink songs I really like.  Just Like a Pill, Don’t Let Me Get Me, Trouble, and God is a DJ are all excellent examples of great Pink songs and I’m not even including her contribution to the epic Lady Marmalade.

All in all, F**kin Perfect is just kind of meh.  Not great, not terrible.  It certainly doesn’t stand up to her better songs but I would much rather hear this on the radio than a lot of other stuff out there.

Glee

While I would not call myself a Gleek, I do enjoy Glee.  It’s not like anything else on TV and has become a sort of multimedia sensation.  When done right,  an episode of Glee is one of the highlights of the TV week.  Snazzy covers of pop songs, humorous dialogue, and characters that we actually care about.  The only problem with Glee is that it is incredibly hit-or-miss.  While a good episode of Glee is amazing, a bad episode is just plain awful.  Season one was full of those good episodes yet season two seems to have more than its fair share of stinkers.

There are a few reasons behind the decline in quality this season.  The most obvious reason in my mind is that members of New Directions no longer seem like the underdogs they were in season one.  One of the reasons so many people love Glee is because of our nature to root for the underdogs.  We’re not being given that opportunity this year.  Another reason Glee just is not up to par also has to do with the members of New Directions.  Last year they were the heart and soul of the show as we watched them go from being complete outcasts to being complete outcasts who now have friends.  This year we aren’t seeing them work as a group.  In fact, we are barely seeing some of them at all.  Other than being involved with the new guy Sam, where is Quinn?  She was a main character last year and now she’s merely the girlfriend.  Mercedes is another underused asset.  I love sassy Mercedes of season one but I’m just not seeing her anymore.

Instead of giving screen time to the characters I tune in to see every week, I am instead being given new characters that just seem to get in the way.  Sam is the most obvious example.  I’m not a big fan of this new character, although Chord Overstreet does a fine job playing him.  His story is too similar to what we saw last year with Finn.  Too many guest stars are also getting in the way.  John Stamos, Gwyneth Paltrow, that Asian singing sensation Oprah discovered.  I want to see Artie, not Uncle Jessie.

My biggest complaint about Glee this year comes with Kurt.  I do like Kurt and think he is one of the most important parts of the show.  I also like that a gay character can be viewed so positively by so many people.  Kurt of last year was perfect.  Kurt of this year is overused and is not nearly as multi-layered as the writers would like to think.  Every episode of season two has Kurt dealing with his sexuality and is becoming a bit too preachy for my taste.  He gets picked on for being gay by this person, then by this other person, so on and so on.  Glee has made Kurt’s one personality trait his sexuality, there does not appear to be anything else but that this year.  Give me the Kurt of last year who was an aspiring performer who just happened to be gay.

All this being said, there are many parts of Glee this year that I really do like.  Brittany and Santana are being used much more prominently and make any scene they are in better.  The Artie/Tina/Mike and Artie/Tina/Brittany and Brittany/Santana love triangles are hilarious.  Just give me more of these characters I want to see and stop shoving other people on the screen.

Skins vs. Skins

The original British version of Skins is one of my bigger guilty pleasures.  It’s raunchy, nothing like most people’s teenage experiences, and incredibly addicting.  When I heard there was going to be an American adaptation on MTV my first thought was “Why?”  It couldn’t top the original because none of the explicit sex and drug scenes can air on American TV outside HBO or Showtime.  MTV has long been known as a boundary-pushing network aiming to make parents worried but these days MTV is more about high maintenance girls with spray tans and “reality” shows.  It’s more an annoying network than a provocative one.  So what do you get if you take out most of the sex and drugs on Skins and add in the desperate-to-be-cool vibe of the new MTV?  The answer:  Gossip Girl.

My prediction was unfortunately correct.  MTV’s Skins is practically a carbon copy of the original but less fun.  Because the American version’s storyline seems to be virtually identical to its British counterpart its faults cannot be attributed to lack of material.  Instead my major complaint comes from the actors.  The new Tony comes off as merely a jackass with no real reason to want to like him.  Nicholas Hoult’s original portrayal of Tony had a certain dark humor to it.  James Newman’s new Tony is just a less tan member of the Jersey Shore cast.  Tony should be the anti-hero, not Snookie’s next conquest.

More so than the new Tony, the new Cassie, now named Cadie, is nowhere near as interesting or complex as her original self.  Hannah Murray’s Cassie is full of unique character traits, such as the way she speaks and the subtlety of her expressions.  She is clearly identified as someone with serious psychological issues.  Britne Oldford’s Cadie just seems kind of bitchy.  This Cassie/Cadie shift is very reflective of the series as a whole.  Gone are the subtle, dark undertones while teenage angst serves as a replacement.

If MTV really wanted to shock the audience like their advertisements claim, they would ditch the new Skins and air the original in its place.  The original had a spectacular cast; Nathaniel Hoult (Tony) starred in About a Boy before Skins and did gave a convincing performance in A Single Man opposite Colin Firth last year.  Dev Patel (Anwar) had the staring role in Slumdog Millionaire.  I can’t see anyone in the new cast going on to the more adult roles of the original kids.  As it currently stands, MTV’s new Skins is merely here to take the place of its late, not that great Hills.  In other words:  Gossip Girl 2.

My Own Grammy Awards

In two weeks the Grammy Awards will be airing live on TV.  In theory, the Grammys are my favorite awards in the entertainment industry.  I can review all nominees by listening to a three-minute song as opposed to a two hour movie or a season of TV episodes.  In practice, though, the Grammys are absolutely horrible.  Their choices in nominees fail to reflect the popular culture of the time, and while popularity does not necessarily mean quality you can not tell me that Allison Kraus and Robert Plant’s Raising Sand was the most significant album of 2008 or that Herbie Hancock’s River: The Joni Letters was the best representative of music in 2007.  Instead of predicting the Grammy winners based off the nominee list, I am going to compile my own list of should be winners, regardless of whether or not they were nominated.  I have not idea what the cut off dates for submissions were or when my choice of winners released their music so my list is just for anytime in 2010.

Album of the Year: Body Talk by Robyn – Body Talk is many things; hipster, indie, artsy, but most of all pure, 100%, unabashed pop.  Creative wordplay throughout the lyrics accentuate the spectacular production.  Unlike many others, I did not like Robyn’s last album.  I found it too pretentious and cold but this is an inviting album that will make you think, laugh, and tap your feet.  Standout tracks:  Dancing On My Own, Fembot, Indestructible, Hang With Me, Time Machine, Get Myself Together, and Stars 4-Ever.

Record of the Year: Bad Romance by Lady GaGa – I know this song is nominated for a Grammy but I forgot which category.  Hopefully this one.  Lady GaGa saved pop music from one of the worst decades in pop music ever.  She deserves the sales, fame, and awards she has received the past couple of years.  While Telephone is my personal favorite song of her’s, Bad Romance is probably the better song artistically.

Song of the Year: Love the Way You Lie by Eminem and Rihanna – This song would be hard to beat in a category devoted to songwriting.  Lines like “Maybe our relationship isn’t as crazy as it seems, maybe that’s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano, all I know is I love you too much to walk away though” resonate in your brain and actually make you think.  I’ve been a big Eminem fan since I was in middle school and this is Eminem’s first decent song since 2002’s Lose Yourself.

Best New Artist: Ke$ha – While she may not be the best singer, she is one hell of an entertainer.  Her songs are fun, successful, and in three years Ke$ha will most likely be on the same road that Vanilla Ice is currently on.  Let her have an award while she can still get one.

Female Pop Vocal Performance: Bad Romance – Just read what I wrote under record of the year.  Other contenders include California Gurls and Teenage Dream.  Please note that while I do think Ke$ha deserves some sort of award, any category with the word vocal in it is not her’s to win.

Male Pop Vocal Performance: Break Your Heart by Taio Cruz – This is a hard category.  As a whole, the guys just did not bring it in 2010.  Usher was big, but I just don’t like anything Usher has put out since Yeah in 2004.  Break Your Heart had some good vocals, a great hook, and even better production.  I also like how a song with a line like “no point trying to evade it” can be a number one hit.  I can’t see T-Pain rapping the word evade.

Pop Performance by a Group: Hey, Soul Sister by Train – I really liked this song up until I heard it for the 961st time.  It was everywhere in 2010, but for good reason.  It’s a quality song with simple production.  My only complaint with Hey, Soul Sister is that sort of feels like it’s trying to be Jason Mraz’s I’m Yours 2.0.

Best Collaboration: Love the Way You Lie – I really want to give this award to Telephone by Lady GaGa and Beyonce for the sheer ferocity of their performance in both the song and video but I guess technically Eminem’s song is the better of the two.

American Idol’s New Judges

Twenty years from now when people are reminiscing about American Idol they will most likely remember two judges: Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul.  Simon was mean and Paula was drunk.  That’s it.  The end.  But what about Randy Jackson, you might ask.  He was always overshadowed by the other two and oftentimes forgotten.  Even if you missed what he had to say you could assume the words pitchy and dawg were said at some point.  When Kara DioGuardi was brought in Randy Jackson was pushed even further to the background.  The day after American Idol aired eople would talk about how spot-on Simon’s comments were, wonder what Paula was trying to say, hate on Kara, and wonder why the hell Ellen DeGeneres was on the show that one season.  Randy never seemed to be in any of the conversations I had.

Now that Simon, Paula, Kara, and Ellen have all left Randy is the last one standing.  He is joined by Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler and has taken Simon’s old seat in a move that seems to position him as the new head judge.  Despite being the lone veteran and positioning himself as the star, Randy is still overshadowed and the most forgettable judge.  I happen to really like the new judging panel.  Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler aren’t trying to be the new Simon, the new Paula, the new Kara, or the new Ellen.  They are refreshingly original.  It brings something new to a show that really needed something fresh without feeling like it’s trying too hard.  While Jennifer Lopez may be past the chart-topping days of Bennifer and Steven Tyler will most likely never have another single as big as I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing, the two are far from D-Listers.  They’ve earned their places in pop culture and no longer have to keep pumping out the hits.

Steven Tyler might not be trying to be the new Paula but he seems to be channeling her aura based on the comments coming out of his mouth.  He provides the comic relief that Ellen was probably supposed to provide last year and Paula unintentionally gave the audience before Ellen.  Steven’s got a powerful voice and should any other boring, melodramatic, wannabe rockers like Chris Daughtry emerge this season Steven should be able to tell them to grow some personality and come back later.  I pray to God that Steven Tyler puts an end to Idol’s unforsaken  love affair with post-Grunge rockers and tells any heterosexual white man on the show it’s okay to display an emotion other than angst.

Jennifer Lopez is another great judge.  She seems to be having a harder time saying negative things but I think that will come with time.  Unlike Steven Tyler, Jennifer doesn’t have the vocals that would have probably won the competition she is judging.  Neither did Paula but America loved Paula anyway.  Jennifer Lopez was a great pop star in her day before she started thinking that every song needed to be remixed with a rapper to give it some street cred.  I’ve noticed her telling a lot of contestants saying that while they don’t have the greatest voice they do have a quality that makes them really interesting and then putting them through to Hollywood.  This is something I think Idol really needs as last season showed what happens when you put too many singer-songwriter types in that might be good on paper but have no stage presence.

Last and least is Randy Jackson.  Oh, Randy. Just retire and give your seat to a record executive.  Clive Davis is about ready to die so you should let him have some fun and get in on the action before he kicks the bucket.

Best Picture Nominee Reviews

Today I saw 127 Hours, my ninth of the ten movies currently up for Best Picture at the Oscars.  All I’m missing is Winter’s Bone and that’s only because I haven’t found a theater around Phoenix playing it.  As a whole, 2010 was a TERRIBLE year for movies.  It seemed like every weekend brought another sequel, another three-quel, another remake, another comic book adaption, or another super hero movie and to cap it all off, far too many movies were being made in 3D.

Despite the less than stellar year, I really like this year’s list of Best Picture nominees.  The big reason is that I have heard of them.  With the exception of Winter’s Bone these movies were all playing at the AMC theater by my apartment, meaning everyone and anyone could have seen them without having to hunt down a small art house that only plays movies that people who like to think they should be from New York but are really from Milwaukee enjoy.  And if Hollywood can see that original, quality stories can make money too than maybe I won’t have to see Growing Up With the Fockers in 2012.  Here is my take on this year’s Best Picture nominees, each with their own rating out of a possible score of five:

Black Swan – 4/5 – When I first heard people talking about this movie, I thought it was the story of a girl auditioning for Swan Lake. I thought it was supposed to be one of those inspirational stories about someone following their dreams.  Thank god I was wrong and that Black Swan was actually semi-horror, semi-suspense, semi-psychological thriller but all good.  Natalie Portman is great in this movie, and I usually don’t particularly care for her, as is Mila Kunis who shows she is much better than the crappy That 70s Show.

The King’s Speech – 4/5 – Excellent movie, plain and simple.  Having a simple story and character development here is better than the hundreds of millions of dollars spent on CGI in crappy movies like transformers.  My only complaint is that Geoffrey Rush was a bit gimmicky, though I attribute that more to the writing than his performance.

True Grit – 5/5 – I went into this movie expecting to hate it.  I hate Westerns and those uber-Macho movies filled with “strong silent” characters.  This movie, however, surprised me.  I had not seen the original nor had I read the book.  When I saw the main character was a 14-year-old girl I knew this movie would be different from what I thought.  In fact that 14-year-old girl played by Hailee Steinfeld was the best part of True Grit.  For some reason Steinfeld is nominated for Supporting Actress rather than Actress, but she should definitely win for her performace.

The Kids Are Alright – 4/5 – Interesting premise with great acting and writing.  Annette Bening seems to be getting all the buzz but in my opinion, Julianne Moore did an even better job.  I thought this movie would feel a little too indie for me, like it would be trying to be quirky, but I was wrong.  Probably won’t win Best Picture, but then again most movies don’t and that doesn’t mean they are any less entertaining.

The Fighter – 3/5 – This rating comes from me being biased, it should probably be higher.  It was a well done Cinderella story boxing style.  I just don’t really care for boxing, sports movies, or East Coast accents.  My parents liked it, there’s something positive.

Toy Story 3 – 5/5 – This movie breaks all rules I had with the typically awful three-quel.  Not only was Toy Story 3 good, it was better than its predecessors.  This is my personal favorite movie of the nominees and while it probably won’t win I would bet money it has the longest longevity.  Kids today watch Disney movies from before World War II and this is the only movie of the nominees I can see being relevant in 10 years.

The Social Network – 5/5 – There is nothing bad about this movie.  The writing, the acting, the directing; everything works.  I sneaked into this movie after I saw Legends of the Guardians:  The Owls of G’ahoole because I felt that the movie industry needed to give me something after sitting through that complete crap-fest.  If Toy Story 3 doesn’t win, I hope The Social Network does.

Inception – 4/5 – Great concept movie with cool plot twists and that make you forget Leonardo DiCaprio is really an irritating Al Gore wannabe.  My favorite thing about this movie is not on screen, however.  This was a big budget Blockbuster that was genuinely good.  It was an action movie but was not generic like 99% of other action movies are today.  I just really hope they leave this alone, end on a high note, and skip the sequel.

127 Hours – 5/5 – I really like Danny Boyle.  He makes big movies with that indie feel minus the annoying entitled, pretentiousness that a lot of indie movies seem to have.  This was a great psychological, character study that really got the viewer thinking about what they would do had a rock fallen on their arm and trapped them in a canyon.  I, personally, would probably just sit there thinking something along the lines “Welp, I guess this is how I’m gonna go.”  But the fact that it even got me to think something like that without feeling grossly morbid is a sign of an excellent film.  Side note: James Franco deserves the Oscar for this movie.

Winter’s Born – I have not seen this, but I imagine it being a small budget movie that thinks it is better and more important than it really is, along the lines of Crash.  We’ll see though, I’m going to keep looking for this movie but if I can’t find it I’m just going to watch it on one of those Chinese pirated movie websites.