My previous post discussed the top 10 Britney Spears singles. This post is devoted to her videos. I’m not looking at the quality of the single, just how good the music video is. Without further ado, here is my list of the best Britney videos.
1. Baby One More Time – This is not just Britney’s best video, it is one of the best videos of all time. Britney is in class, bored, and is waiting to get out. Lo and behold the bell rings, she dances in the hall, hikes her shirt up, and dances around the school. Simple storyline, brilliant execution. The Catholic schoolgirl outfit is to Britney what the red jacket was to Michael Jackson or what the wedding dress was to Madonna.
2. Toxic – If James Bond was a hot 20-something pop singer, this is the video he would have made. Britney is out to get revenge on the guy who did her wrong. Various disguises ultimately pave the way for her to poison her ex. Along the way, she dances around all nakedly with diamonds glued to her body. In the end, this ends up being far more entertaining than any James Bond movie I’ve seen in the past decade.
3. I’m a Slave 4 U – This video is porn. Plain and simple. A hot, barely clothed Britney is unfortunately stuck in a city of saunas in the middle of a drought. All she wants is some water and when she can’t get that she decides to pant and sweat a lot. Fortunately it rains in the end so she gets that drink of water. In my eyes, this is far and away the sexiest music video ever made; not just by Britney, but by anyone.
4. Oops… I Did It Again – Uh-oh. Man has landed on Mars and stumbles on something that looks like a civilization, but what is it? Turns out it is the lair of Britney, Queen of the Martians. Britney dances around for this astronaut wearing a red catsuit that exemplifies the fact that Martian women have better breasts than Earth women.
5. Stronger – Britney is cheated on. In her anger, she drives through a thunderstorm and dances with a chair. The chair dancing has some of her best music video dance moves and makes you really wish she would experiment with other types of furniture.
6. Circus – Britney is the ringleader of the circus. Not much of a storyline but the dancing around fire and animals is pretty cool.
7. (You Drive Me) Crazy – Like many teenagers, Britney gets a job at a restaurant. Her job waiting tables involves much more dancing and looks a lot more fun than my time working at Applebee’s during college.
8. I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman – This sappy song features Britney just wandering around the desert, hanging out on some rock formations. No plot whatsoever, but she sure does look good.
9. Womanizer – Much like the video for Toxic, Britney is with a womanizing man. She decides to spy on him and check out his womanizing ways by wearing disguises. Ultimately she sexually strangles him and buries him in sheets. She is also naked in a steam room for no apparent reasons other than to put at least some nudity in the story. Hey it is a Britney video after all.
10. If You Seek Amy – Britney wakes up after apparently hosted an orgy at her house. On the way out she dances provocatively with various nearly nude party-goers while taking a pie out of the oven and greeting the press with her family.
Judgmental Day 